Love..is aN amAziNg thiNg

I thought of a very nice entry title juz now..but juz can't seem to remember.Muz be getting older..ah...this year i am 23..really older and older.

My target marriage age was 23..note the age..23...it seems so unreachable now..haha..and i must start to use the phrase" i used to.."
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When i was 15/16 , i thought i would have scores of beautiful boyfriends one after another..and all i dump wan not they dump me..

That did not happen

When i was 18/19 , i believed in true love..But true love did not believe in me.

When i was 20 , i see..wahaha..finally got one liao lor..But that wan not one true love lor.
he didn't want to walk me to the interchange , he didn;t want to even say "wan go steady bo?"
OK la..not so bad..he ask"can hold your hands not?"

All he wanted was... i duuno...i met him when he wanted me to meet him , i gave him jelly and he say his mum's wan nicer.. and then one day he say" what if i say i dun like you anymore?"

That day i want to meet him to give him a bag that i bought for him..but i never had the chance to. We broke up that day..

When i was 21/22 , i prayed for someone to love and to love me...

I liked him ..but did he like me 2?

It wasn't deliberate.i didn't like him in the first place.It was him who came so close to me.It was him who ask me out.It was him who offered to help carry my bag.It was him who wanted to pull my ear for being mischievoius.It was him who sms to say he... It was him who saw me cry in public for the first time..It was him whom I tried the ring for.It was him that said we never had anything on and It was him who eventually broke my heart.

Maybe i misunderstood his actions , maybe i thought 2 much..But i can't face he and my friend anymore.I have to hide behind a smiley face before them and i duuno where is my limit point.
He looks troubled , but that is my viewpoint , he says they are planning for marriage , but i dun see him happy..He is not the person i know when he is with her..but i should really stop caring.He chose his life and he answers for it..I will choose my life 2 , thou i dunno what lies ahread.

After watching the show and reading blogs of heartaches , i begin to wonder what is really love?Do such strong ties and undying love happens in real life?

At 23 , Love is ready for me...but ..am i ready for love?

**Now i am all confused..when he dates me out , i give all sorts of excuses to reject him..now that i duuno where he is , i keep thinking of him and wondering why he ain't sms or msn me yet ? What is happening ?? Am i feeling a void or am i really goin for him???

Spread THe SMile ArouNd

I promised myself that i will make myself happy...and i did...
I guess sometimes when u feel good , the vibe spreads...juz like how unhappy i was on tuesday , the bad vibe spread around and everyone around me didn't feel good.

THanks for all your encouragements friends..i am ok ..told you i am a natural optimist right :P

Yesterday i achieved my highest sales record..so so so happy...my sales record have left me dejected for a few days and yesterday i was all high~ Thanks Min for coming down and showed your support , after talking to you my spirits also perked..hehe...take care of yourself , CNY coming so dun fall sick k..thou we rarely meet up , I wan you to know that we are always here for you :P blog your fustration out or do something to vent your anger then let the past be past.

Last time i used to be very fustrated about family stuffs also...always felt and still feel a little that my family favors my bro more than me. As they say , you decide how you want to feel , u can choose to wallow in self-pity and self depreciation or you can lead a life with confidence and happiness.i want to choose the latter...i want to be happy .when you are happy and positive , the thinking will change , you will feel happier and people can see your happiness.

I am glad that my bro and I have a better relationship than we used to.Now there is more understanding and lesser disagreements.I know that he will always be on a lookout for me and that gives me a lot of security , knowing that somewhere , someone in the family cares for me..

I hold that when we grow old and have our own families , we are still able to lookout for one another , be it siblings or cousins or friends...imagine all of us , sitting together , with kids and stuffs n talking about the past ..hehee..

i watched another touching show recently..'Devil beside you'.THis is the second show that made me cried..i duuno whether its because of the touching love story or how strong the family ties is..but yeah...if you all can get your hands on this serial...go watch it..

i feel loved these days..do you?

i duuno hoW to title this enTry

mixed feelings these days..have been running into a bout of bad luck..starting from work on tuesday...kanna some job that i wasn't supposed to be doing..ok , its actually juz a simple printing job so i shouldn't complain much..the angry thing is tat the whole system cork up and i wasn't even informed..so for the whole morning , i felt like an idiot who can't even do a simple printing job well.. then after that kaana a call ..turns out my invoices were wrong and have to ask the other party to reject all of them...that made me sad the whole day ... then all the shop thingy..my sales were quite bad...argh...i duuno la...wat is wrong with me??

right now , i totally have no direction..wat a sad start to a new year..please let me be a bit pessimistic in this entry.coz usually i am really not like tat! i think of myself as a optimistic...looking for happiness and hope in every corner..but happenings these few days affected my mood and thinking..

duuno why but i can't seem to find any worthiness in myself...i do nothing well ..wat am i really suitable for ? Am i such a failure in other people's eyes?

I think i set a high standard for myself..and when i can't achieve it , i become dejected and resentful..this is not good..hope that for this new year i can change all this!

Although its hard to control wat othet think..i still have this thing about people thinking negatively about me...hmm...muz change that! Coz there is really no control no point mulling about it right?

okie , i feel much better after blogging it out...Tomorrow will be a better day !

And tomorrow will take care of itself right?

shall update photos another day ..i hope i can keep my promise..wahah...okie...nitz nirtz...have an early night everyone~~