Numbed

Well , i was debating hard whether to make this post or not... but .. yeah , i can't keep things to myself and i can't concentrate on doing my assignment knowing that deep down i WAnT to blog and therefore here i am .

*what crap*

Well , i didn't inform alot of people..but just to let you guys know that my grandad passed away on Friday (11May07) noon .

It was kinda of a a shock.We know that the time was coming soon.but we didn't expect it to happen so fast.

When he was diagnoised with heart problems and going in and out of the hospital a few times last year , we were kinda expecting the worst.But that didn't happen. Thank God.

So last friday , everything was well and all of us headed for work.Mum's call started to come in.

" Your grandpa is in hospital.Coma. "

My mind was like " Oh shit"

So the calls kept comin in. I couldn't concentrate on my work.

The last one from mum sounds optimal. My bro says he moved.seems to have waken from his coma.maybe because he took too much sleeping pills the night before.

I told Salty we could probably go ahead with our plans after visitin grandpop at night .

THen the call came in again.

CRItical Condition.

Left the office.

Took the bus out to grab a cab

Sadly , received the news from daddy that grandpop didn't make it.

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I don't feel close to him as i used to , when we were staying at his place.

i only remember him most vividly ,in one of the pictures , of his birthday. I was sitting on his lap and we were blowing on his birthday candles. He looked young and happy. That was my happiest period with him.

As we grew older , moved out of the place . I didn't talk to him. I didn't understand what he was saying nor make any effort to do so . Each time he will retreat to his room , staring into blank space while we will be in the living room , watching tv.

The only conversation we had were "Hi Yeye"... "Bye Yeye"

Sometimes , i wanted so much to sit and touch his knees , and kneel beside him and just hold his hands or face.

But i know , i won't.

Perhaps we were brought up to not show our feelings. I duuno. I kept all these visions only in my mind.

Now that he is gone. this vision i guess will still remains.

Till we see each other again , Ye ye.

I hope you are happy with NaiNai and your parents and all your khakis who went before you.

I am glad that you are not suffering anymore.You will not be alone anymore.

I love you , Ye ye